VERY FEW OF US ARE BLESSED WITH PLACIDITY. But for those of us who get up on the wrong side of the bed more often not, life is a battle with feelings of guilt and resentment. Why do we become angry? Can we effectively deal with it?
A popular Elizabethan belief was that humans are composed of four humours ( blood, phlegm, yellow bile, and black bile). Character typessuch as cheerful, sluggish, choleric and melancholic were, respectively, attributed to an imbalance in these subtle fluids.
Physicians, philosophers, and scholars applied this theory to the workings of the body and the mind.But Dr Prakash Joshi has a different approach of tackling our negative emotions. According to him: “Anger stems from the suppression of desires.” When we are unable to meet our desires or please in the family, at workplace or in marriage, life becomes difficult. In an attempt to fulfill our desires we harass the mind and end up spending our energy in the form of anger.
At the work place employees trying to meet the boss’s expectations, pushing their way to the top in this competitive world are most likely to lose their temper easily. Holding a tight rein on your temper or stifling your anger by muttering abuses under your breath will only result in bad relationships with your colleagues and make you despise your workplace. The best way to get rid of all the pent up anger is to take it out on the source.
But instead of hitting the roof and creating a scene in the office, you could resort to healthier and controlled ways of expressing your annoyance.
Every morning save some time for ‘angry rehearsals.’ “Every morning bring to your mind the people and situations that disturb you,” says Dr Joshi, “and say loudly all that comes to your mind. You would be surprised to find your temper melt away with your heated expressions. You will feel free and fresh, ready to face another challenging day. Working out your angry sessions in an open space such as a garden or beach would be more effective.” Another technique is to get physical — take a pillow and jab it hard, releasing all your tension on it.
Lack of communication is another reason for bad temper. You have to learn to speak your mind. Many people cannot help nodding their heads in ascent even when their heart cries out in protest. And some people have the habit of stubbornly resisting new ideas without thinking about what has been said. This kind of imbalance invites trouble for everyone involved.
“Ever wondered where kids pick up their temper from?” asks Joshi. Well, it’s all in the family. He explains: “Most parents attend to their children only when they throw a tantrum, inadvertently teaching the child that losing his temper is best way to gain attention and have things his way. Very few parents have time to share in their child’s happiness. Of course this does not mean that these parents do not love their children. The idea is to give the child as much time as possible.”
“All our emotions are likeclouds — the more you let them accumulate the heavier is the downpour. Similarly if you don’t give vent to your anger it will only accumulate in your mind and when the mind can’t contain it any more your tempers flare up. Daily doses of anger releasing techniques, such as the ones mentioned, should help you control your temper in a healthy way. The more you attend to your emotions, the more they tend to concentrate — so why not direct all your attention on more positive emotions such as love and happiness and watch them grow in your mind.”
Hence, anger should be treated like a fleeting cloud, sot let it pass. Attending too much to it will only intensify the emotion.
You have to modify your lifestyle and he rid of meaningless desires. In this case it is not suppression of desire it is only the suppression of meaningless desires. These desires only create more misery in our lives. Learn to plan your life with a consciousness effort. That is, your planning in life should not tie you down to your dogmas. You have to team to be flexible according to situations. You have to express your feelings and see to it that you are more practical and yet flexible in life. Our minds are full of questions that do little help to soothe our tempers. Prayer is not always the answer to your dilemmas; sometimes you need to resort to your inner instinct, your consciousness. Your consciousness has all the answers to your queries.
Everybody has the answers to their questions but we never look at our inner self to search for the answer. The mind does not want to accept these answers. Whatever situation or circumstances come, we are aware of It, we know the reason behind this anger but we do not want to admit our fault or shortcoming and blame it on the circumstances.
It should be realized that there is nothing wrong in being angry. Anger is hula negative and impure form of love. It is up to us to shed this negative form and adopt a more loving and positive attitude to life.
You have to team techniques to purify this anger. “Fast you must create love within your heart,” advises Joshi. “That is the first responsibility of each individual. First attend to yourself in day to day life. We expect compliments from others in order to boost our morale. But we need to love and appreciate our-selves. And this should be done with an awareness.”
The main thing is to transform this anger to express in a right movement in the right way. People get angry because they have some kind of hatred within themselves.
If you are firm and strong within yourself others’ moods and emotions will not affect you. Anger has to be transformed into love and not be transferred on to another person. You have to learn to transform this energy.
